The Kimberly-Clark/Kenvue Deal: Because Consolidation is *Always* the Answer, Right?
Oh, great. Another mega-deal. Kimberly-Clark is buying Kenvue for almost $50 billion. Because, you know, what the world really needs is fewer choices and even bigger corporations calling the shots. Let's pretend for a second that this is about "synergy" and "creating value" instead of just sucking up market share and squeezing out smaller players.
Kenvue, spun off from Johnson & Johnson just last year, already being swallowed whole? Give me a break. They were barely independent long enough to figure out where the coffee machine was. And now, poof, they're just another cog in the Kimberly-Clark machine. Remember when Trump linked Tylenol to autism? Talk about baggage. Did Kimberly-Clark even think about that?
The Illusion of Choice
The official line is that this deal will bring together brands like Neutrogena, Huggies, and Kleenex. Sounds fantastic, right? One-stop shopping for all your consumer-packaged-goods needs! But let's be real: it's just less competition and more power for the folks at the top. And don't even get me started on the inevitable "cost savings" – which always translates to layoffs and lower quality.
Kenvue shareholders are supposedly getting $3.50 per share and 0.15 Kimberly-Clark shares for each Kenvue share held. A per-share deal value of $21.01, or an equity value of $40.32 billion. Sounds like a win for them, I guess. But what about the rest of us? What do we get out of this? Higher prices? Worse service? Probably both.
Speaking of prices...my cable bill just went up again. Is there any industry that isn't trying to nickel and dime us to death? It's enough to make you wanna... well, never mind.
Who Really Wins?
Kenvue shares jumped 18% in premarket trading. Kimberly-Clark’s shares, on the other hand, tanked 12.5%. Hmm, that's intresting. So, the people who were already rich get richer, and the people who are supposedly "acquiring" the value lose money. Makes perfect sense. Offcourse, that's Wall Street for you.
And about that "strategic review" Kenvue was supposedly undergoing? Sources were whispering about a possible sale or breakup. Turns out, the sale won. Guess the breakup was too messy, too complicated. Easier just to hand everything over to a bigger bully. Kimberly-Clark to acquire Kenvue in $48.7 billion deal - CNBC
The Inevitable "Synergies"
The combined company is projecting annual revenues of roughly $32 billion. Big deal. More money for the same old crap. They'll probably spend half of that on marketing, convincing us that we need the latest "innovative" toilet paper or the "new and improved" diaper rash cream. It's a never-ending cycle of consumerism, and we're all just lab rats in their little experiment.
Then again, maybe I'm just being cynical. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe Kimberly-Clark will magically transform Kenvue into some kind of consumer-goods utopia. But let's be real, ain't gonna happen.
