Alright, let's get this straight. Hims & Hers Health misses earnings expectations – a 40% negative surprise, no less – and the stock rebounds? Give me a freakin' break.
The Numbers Game
They're trying to spin this, of course. Revenue exceeded expectations, blah blah blah, subscriber base grew, more blah. CEO Andrew Dudum spouts some garbage about "scale doesn’t just make us bigger, it makes us better."
Oh really, Andrew? So, missing EPS by that much is "better" now? Is that how things work in whatever alternate reality Silicon Valley is floating in these days?
I’m seeing projections of full-year revenue between $2.335 billion and $2.355 billion. Okay, that's a big number. A really big number. But what does it mean, huh? Are they actually profitable, or are they just burning through cash to acquire more subscribers who will eventually get bored and cancel their subscriptions?
And adjusted EBITDA of $307 million to $317 million... "adjusted" always makes me nervous. What are they adjusting out, exactly? All the embarrassing bits?
Smoke and Mirrors
Here's the thing: I've been watching these "disruptive" healthcare companies for years, and it's always the same story. Big promises, flashy marketing, and a whole lot of venture capital money propping everything up. The second the money dries up, or the market shifts, they all come crashing down.
Remember Theranos? Yeah, I remember Theranos.
They're launching new products, too - low testosterone and menopause offerings. I mean, good for them for trying to expand, but are these actually good products, or are they just jumping on the latest health trends to make a quick buck? And partnerships? Active discussions with Novo Nordisk to sell Wegovy? Please. That's just them trying to latch onto a real player in the game.
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And now they're talking about proactive health and diagnostics. Comprehensive, whole-body lab testing before year-end. Okay, that sounds interesting...But it's also sounds expensive. And complicated. And like something that my doctor should probably be handling, not some online platform pushing personalized treatment plans.
Then again, maybe I'm just getting old and cynical. Maybe this is the future of healthcare. Maybe I should just shut up and embrace the algorithm. Nah.
The International Play
Oh, and they're going international, offcourse. Europe, Canada, who knows where else next. "We’re now reaching a total addressable market of more than 200 million adults across these regions." Translation: we need more suckers—er, customers—to keep this whole thing afloat.
But let's be real: healthcare is complicated. Every country has its own regulations, its own culture, its own way of doing things. What works in the US ain't gonna work in Germany, and what works in Germany ain't gonna work in Canada. It's just a recipe for disaster.
So, What's the Real Story?
This whole thing reeks of desperation. They missed earnings, the stock price dipped, and now they're trying to pump up the hype with promises of future growth and international expansion. I'm not buying it. Not one bit. It's all smoke and mirrors, baby.
