So, there was a party in Pyongyang.
I want you to picture it. Fireworks lighting up the sky over a city where most people can’t reliably power their homes. A beaming Kim Jong Un, looking like the cat that swallowed the canary, pressing the flesh with high-level dignitaries. Not just any dignitaries, mind you. We’re talking China’s number two, Premier Li Qiang, and Russia’s pet bulldog, Dmitry Medvedev. They’re all there, celebrating the 80th anniversary of the Workers' Party, and you can almost smell the cloying scent of cheap champagne and mutual self-interest through the state-run media photos.
Kim gets up and talks about North Korea’s growing “international prestige.” International prestige? Let’s call it what it is: a protection racket. He’s not prestigious; he’s a made man in a new global mafia, and this party was his coming-out ball. He’s a “faithful member of the socialist forces,” he says. Translation: “I’ve got friends in high places who hate you as much as I do, so what are you gonna do about it?”
This is all happening while we’re over here arguing about pronouns and getting rage-baits from cable news. They’re literally forging a new world order, and we’re…
A Coordinated Middle Finger
This isn’t just posturing. No, 'posturing' is too clean a word—this is a coordinated middle finger to the entire post-WWII global structure. This little shindig in Pyongyang is just the latest stop on the tour. Remember last month? Kim was in Beijing, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Xi Jinping and Vladimir Putin, watching China’s biggest-ever military parade. It was the first time Kim had ever bothered to show up to an international gathering like that. Why now? Because he’s not the weird, isolated kid at the lunch table anymore. He’s been invited to sit with the bullies.
Let’s connect the dots, shall we? North Korea is sending thousands of troops to die for Putin’s vanity project in Ukraine. In return, Russia gives them food, fuel, and probably some tech for their missile program. Pyongyang and Moscow sign a pact promising to defend each other if attacked. Meanwhile, China is playing the long game; as Xi Jinping is personally involved in China’s new five-year plan, the country is mapping out its economic and technological dominance all the way to 2030. They’re playing chess, planning moves years in advance.
And what are we doing? My God, what are we doing? I flip on the TV and it’s just talking heads screaming at each other. They’ll cover this North Korea story for five minutes, show the fireworks, and then pivot to some manufactured domestic outrage because it gets better ratings. Maybe I’m the crazy one here. But when you see them all smiling for the cameras, it’s hard not to feel like you’re watching the pilot episode of a show you really, really don’t want to see the rest of.
Shouting into the Void
Then you have the American response. It’s so predictable it’s almost comforting in its futility. Here’s a quote from a hypothetical 2025 Donald Trump, but honestly, it could be from any administration at this point: “We import from China massive amounts, and maybe we’ll have to stop doing that.” This isn't far from reality; in the past, Trump threatens to halt Chinese imports – while counting on Xi Jinping to buy US soybeans.
That’s it. That’s the grand strategy. The big stick we’re still waving is threatening to stop buying their stuff. It’s the geopolitical equivalent of a dad threatening to take away a teenager’s allowance, completely oblivious to the fact that the kid has been dealing crypto for two years and has more money than he does. That leverage ain't what it used to be.
China is building an entire parallel economic universe with countries that don’t care about our markets. They’re locking down resources, building alliances, and funding infrastructure across the globe. They are, offcourse, doing this while we bicker. The idea that we can just turn off the import spigot and bring them to their knees feels like a relic from another era. Are we really supposed to believe that Xi, who is mapping out his nation’s destiny for the next decade, is going to be spooked by a threat to stop buying TVs and sneakers? Give me a break.
We’re stuck in a loop, running the same old plays from a tattered, 30-year-old playbook. Threaten tariffs. Impose sanctions. Issue a strongly worded statement. Meanwhile, the other team is on the field, celebrating with their new teammates under the lights.
A Toast to the New Management
Look, let's be brutally honest for a second. That party in Pyongyang wasn't about North Korea. It was a press conference. It was China and Russia showing the world their newest subsidiary, fully integrated into the corporate structure of their "Axis of Autocrats." While we were busy looking for the moral high ground, they were buying up all the real estate. We think our economic leverage is our superpower, but it’s becoming our kryptonite—a crutch that’s kept us from seeing that the game has fundamentally changed. They aren’t trying to beat us at our own game anymore. They’ve built a whole new stadium, with their own rules, and they’re busy selling season tickets.
